Songs | Jokes | Poetry | History

Did you hear the one about…?

As our wake is very interactive, and we encourage audience members to come up and share a song, a joke or a story about Paddy. Here’s a sample of some of our favorite jokes. Feel free to learn one or bring one of your own and share it when you come up to eulogize Paddy.

The Jew

One fine day Paddy walked out of a pub in Dublin and a masked man put a gun in his face and said “Are you a Protestant or Catholic”? Paddy thought to himself, If I say I’m Catholic I might get shot, and if I say I’m a Protestant I could still get shot. So he thought real quick and said, “I’m Jewish”. The gunman replied, “Well, aren’t I the luckiest Arab in Ireland!”

The Confession

When Paddy was a young man he went to confession saying, “Father forgive me, I have sinned with a young woman.” The Priest asked, “Was it Mary McCarthy?”
“No, father, its not for me to say,” Paddy replied.
“Was it Siobán O’Reilly?”
“No, father, I can’t tell you.”
“Linda Mallory?”
“No, father, it wouldn’t be right for me to mention any names.”
With this the priest told him to sin no more and gave him pennance.
On the way out of the church, Paddy passed a friend, who asked him what happened.
Paddy replied, “I got one Hail Mary, two Our Fathers, and three new leads!”

The Three Pints

Shortly after moving to America Paddy Finnegan walked into a Boston pub and ordered three pints of Guinness. He sat drinking a sip out of each one in turn. The bartender said to him, “You know sir, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
Paddy replied, “Well, you see, I have two brothers back in Ireland, Sean and Donovan that I used to drink with everyday. The day I left Ireland I made them a promise. I told them that even though we were hundreds of miles apart I’d have a drink with them every day. So I drinks one for each o’ me brothers and one for meself.”
The bartender admitted that this was a nice custom, and left it at that. Paddy became a regular in the pub, and always drank the same way; he ordered three pints and drank them in turn.
Until the day he entered the pub and ordered only two pints. All the other regulars took notice and fell silent. The bartender said, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief Paddy, but I want to offer my condolences on your great loss.”
“What loss?” asked Paddy.
To which the bartender replied, “You only ordered two drinks. Which one of your brothers died?”
“Ach! Me brothers are fine!” replied Paddy. “It’s ME that’s out of sorts. I haven’t been feeling well lately so I’ve taken the pledge and quit drinking!”